Falling in Love with a Temporary Master

Dear Dovey,
I entered a relationship with my Master knowing it would be temporary. Therefore I made a promise to myself that I would not become deeply and emotionally involved with him. Only to find out now, when it’s time for me to leave, I realize I’ve lost my heart to him. Tell me I’m not alone, do you think other submissives have done the same thing? I swore I’d never fall for anyone again and the bloody fool that I am, I guess I did. What should I do?


It’s funny that you should ask if other submissives have done the same thing. Your question made me realize that both serious D/s relationships I’ve had (My 1st Master and my Present Master/husband) I entered the relationship with the exact “no deep emotional involvement” attitude as you. The first time around I just wanted to see what it was all about and I knew I could learn from him. He called it training, I said ok. I secretly I told myself, “If I don’t like this I can just change my screen name and disappear, what can he do, he’s in the UK”. Within a few months, I was in love with him and on a plane headed to London. I foolishly didn’t look at the facts and based on the strength of the love “I felt” I thought we were forever. Two years I was his collared slave, for another two years I mourned over our parting. (In essence collared to the ghost of what was) When MD came along I was gun shy and had build of walls of defense.

I, the submissive, laid rules for our relationship.

• No strings.
• When we play I submit – when play is over, it’s over.
• All other times we are together we are just friends.

Every time he started to make inroads to my heart I made a new rule or said something horrible like; “You’re not my type.” – “You’re too young for me.” Or the worst of them all… “You’re not Dom enough for me.”

He never gave up or in and kept moving forward until he scaled the walls I’d built.

It took a year to admit it – but I was in love and scared to death.

Back to your question:

How did I get over loving someone I couldn’t be with?
What did I do?
I avoided talking to friends that put my former Master down, or with very close friends I asked them to be careful not to put him down.


It triggered a loyal response that I needed to break.

They were trying to help, but their well-meaning statements motivated me to defend him. I could talk about what was bad or wrong, what things happened that caused me harm – but no one else could. My fierce since of loyalty towards him forbid anyone else from doing so. I realized my behavior was irrational, I also knew that my natural reaction to defend him would not fade if friends kept calling it to the surface.

• I worked HARD to look at the embarrassing and painful truth of why it couldn’t work.
• I reminded myself of those painful truths every time I missed him.
• I looked at all the ways my soul was bound to him and I prayed. Yes, I prayed to be free.

I finally one day, I was free, it didn’t happen in that blink of an eye. It came slowly and almost without notice. Nevertheless, it happened and it can happen for you.

In reality what you end up doing is becoming your own “master” and start retraining your responses. I had to own myself… if I hadn’t what would I have to present to a new Master?

MD came along about a year after I started “dating” again. The slave who mastered herself in order to reclaim the fragmented pieces, had to learn how to submit again. Every piece of myself that was surrendered to MD came with great internal battle. However, it came and so it will with you…

In time you will recover your heart and you will love and submit it to another.



Slave Dove lives in Southern California with her Master, MD. Along with her syndicated Dear Dovey column, she writes poetry and creative non-fiction. Her style has been compared to a “kinky Erma Bombeck” and her stories are often said to be the equivalent of the “I Love Lucy of BDSM.” She is known as one of the Internet’s most famous submissives and is the editor of ST BDSM providing entertaining and educational information regarding BDSM practices and sexuality. When she’s not writing, Dove maintains her two Websites www.ST-BDSM.com and www.SlaveDove.com. Her photos, interviews and articles have been published in Hustler, Skin Two, Secret, Nugget, Fetish Realm, The Sacramento Free Press, Xcite magazines and SandM.com, ST BDSM Ezine and the book, Undressing The Corset. She has been featured in Penthouses “Casting Couch” and HBO’s “Real Sex” demonstrating her ability to hog-tie herself. She has appeared in over 40 Fetish Films for Gotham Gold, East River Productions, Galaxy, Pleasure Productions, Noose and others. Her photos have been released through countless other publications and websites. Dove no longer models, but devotes her time to journalism and public speaking.

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