The Dynamics of Living Apart in a M/s Relationship

There are as many ways to conduct a Master/slave relationship, as there are people in the lifestyle. Sometimes, circumstances or personal preferences dictate that the Master and slave may not live together initially. Considering that many couples meet via the Internet, distance can be a factor. Even if the parties live around the corner from each other, they may decide to wait before living together in the interest of caution or timing.

I had a conversation about this subject with a Dominant a while ago. He wondered about the dynamics of such an arrangement. His question was, “How much power does the Master have over the slave in day to day life if she doesn’t live under his roof, and how does the Master enforce his authority in such a situation?” It was my feeling that others might benefit from the outcome of our conversation, given the number of long-distance relationships that result from online meetings.

I believe that the relationship could be just as traditional as it would be if the Master and slave lived together. My perspective is that living arrangements would not factor all that highly, and what follows is my reasoning for this. For the sake of this document, I will be referring to the Dominant/Master as male and the slave as female, because of the situation of the Dominant with whom I spoke.

The main condition would be whether or not a permanent collar had been placed on the slave. The collar signifies commitment and ownership, thereby giving the Master undeniable authority over the slave as he takes responsibility for her. Under the mutual agreement made prior to collaring that she be allowed a separate residence, the Master would be no less her Master than if he kept her chained up in his dungeon (and her mail was sent to his address). The conditions of commitment and obedience would still apply. The slave would be honor- bound to confess to her Master if she in fact disobeyed his directives or in any way did something that could possibly be considered questionable.

It is isn’t really that different if the slave lives with her Master, as the slave is not constantly under his watchful eye, whether the reason for his absence is due to a job or any other endeavor that may keep them apart for some period of time on a daily basis. Unless the Master installs hidden video cameras for surveillance, he must trust the honor of his slave and integrity of their relationship in order to be assured that she will be honest with him regarding everything, including the her own behavior when her Master is not around. Without trust, after all, any type of relationship is not likely to succeed.

Since each Master/slave relationship is variable according to the needs and preferences of the individuals involved, and if the relationship is dynamic, then the details are custom-made to suit the couple, ever changing as things develop.

Another point is authority. The Master has authority, no matter what the variables are. He just needs to exercise it. If he gives the slave choices, then that is his directive, that she makes decisions in particular situations on her own, within the boundaries he has set for her.

If he has a specific instruction for her, he must tell her plainly, so that she can obey him precisely. If he chooses, he can open the matter for discussion, and that is his prerogative. If he wants obedience with no discussion, that is also his right. His presence is not required for his slave to carry out his commands.

A Master who possesses the mindset of mastering his slave, and trust is established, as well as the other necessary components (honor, maturity, self-control, commitment, honesty, wisdom and sincere regard for his slave’s well-being), then he can be confident that anything he decides is proper. If the Master does not have that mindset and is not disciplined in the aspects mentioned above, perhaps he is not ready for the responsibility of ownership, irrespective of living arrangements.

From the point of view of the slave, I feel obliged to mention the vow of obedience. This takes place at collaring, and should not be taken lightly. If the slave is honorable, and she wants to fully submit, then she will adhere to the standards laid out for her, as she agreed to do when she accepted the collar. If she doesn’t want to submit, rebelling secretly in her Master’s absence, then she is not committed and honorable, and is probably in the wrong type of relationship. A slave or submissive who behaves this way is not honest with herself, let alone with her Master.

Living separately might be viewed as an opportunity to test the hearts of the individuals within their respective roles. The time may come when the slave abandons her separate residence and moves in with her Master. If she has succeeded in being obedient and faithful while no one was watching, her commitment has been tested in her own eyes. She can then be confident that she will bring honor to her Master as she continues on this course.

The fact that the covenant made between the Master and slave at the collaring stage includes a commitment to absolutes that will not change, such as honor, honesty, etc., does not mean that everything in the relationship will remain static. That would imply stagnation. That is death to a relationship no matter what the preferences are, but it is absolutely uncalled for in a M/s relationship. There are endless ways to keep it dynamic and fresh. Anything less is an indication of inertia. When one or both parties in a relationship eschew change and growth, then the alliance is more or less doomed, in my opinion.

Therefore, as the Master/slave alliance develops, step by step, in order, and with careful judgment, the two become more and more bonded. If this bond is developed properly, with both parties working judiciously toward this goal, then the outcome is satisfying on both sides. Trust grows, doubts disappear, and commitment rises to a higher level. The Master seeks to further develop his own techniques in mastering his slave, and the slave becomes ever more committed to serving her Master, surrendering everything she is. This is the essence of success in any Master/slave relationship, irrespective of the initial living arrangements.

– esclaveauteur –

The author has contributed essays, articles and short stories to various BDSM related websites and is currently working on a novel.

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