My husband/submissive and I have enjoyed a wide variety of toys and equipment from the Stockroom over the past few years. Thanks for a great site! Now, I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to ask for some advice. My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer in September and has had surgery…including a permanent colostomy. No more ass play 🙁 since his ass is now permanently sewn closed.
We would like to continue our lifestyle after the chemo/radiation has been completed. Can you recommend some toys that might help take the place of the anal play we both loved so much?
I have met several people who want desperately to live within the bdsm lifestyle, but are challenged in some way. Two other submissives, one in a wheelchair and one who has lost both breasts to cancer, want desperately to fulfill the desire they still carry inside themselves, but have found it very difficult to find playpartners willing to accept them with their altered bodies. For a lifestyle that touts acceptance for tattoos, piercings, scars, etc. it seems a shame that people who have had the courage to come out on top of tremendous physical challenges and still have the courage to give themselves over to a Dominant can’t find anyone willing to accept them. The courage it would take for someone to reveal themselves to their Dom/me for the very first time with an altered body takes phenomenal inner strength. I watched my husband struggle as he revealed, bit by bit, all the things that had been done to him. I continue to watch him struggle to accept himself in his new body.
Do you happen to know of a site that addresses submissives, or Dominants, who are physically challenged? I would like to pass on any information about this type of a site to those I meet who are facing this challenge.
Thanks for any help you can provide.
L.
Hello L.Thanks for your letter.Of course I’m sorry for the difficulties you and your husband have gone through. But there is a lot you can still do. There is the whole wide world of “cock-and-ball” play… including harnesses, cock rings, ball stretchers, maybe piercing, even insertion using sounds and catheters… and let’s not forget chastity, which can have a huge impact on a relationship. And of course nipple clamps and all the other whips-and-chains stuff.Some links:
Cock & Ball Toys
Separating Ball Stretchers
Locking Leather Cock Bands
Nipple Clamps/Cock Ring Set
Electrical Stimulation
With respect to chastity, it might seem odd to be suggesting a sort of denial to someone who’s already dealing with sexual loss, but you might be surprised… knowing that you still found his orgasms interesting, important, and valuable enough to want to take over control of them might actually be reassuring in a way. And as the above chastity articles will illustrate, it can end up making sex a lot more intense all around.
I found these articles:
Coping With Colostomy: One Man’s Story
http://www.swedish.org/17096.cfm
http://www.uoa.org/ostomy_facts_man.htm
Groups:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ostomates_R_Us/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/colostomy/
I’ve had a bit of experience with sex and disability myself. Most notably, in my early 20’s I had a relationship for a while with a dominant-male/submissive female couple who were about ten years older. The man was in a wheelchair, and I stood in as the dominant male, basically a surrogate of sorts. I believe that was an interesting and positive experience for all involved.
I would encourage you to do some Google searching on sex and disabilities. Maybe you can find a support group of some type in your area.
Good luck with everything. I hope some of the above info will be helpful.
The Dom
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