Getting Personal


I am looking for a submissive female for a LTR and have no idea how to find one. I have tried a few personals and S&M-specific personals sites with no luck. I know there are tons of women looking for a Master but I have no clue how to find one. There is only one S&M club in my area that I know of and it seems to be all couples. Any ideas?

There are lots of ways that we can meet people with complimentary SM interests, and basically all of them work sometimes. Probably the best way is just to put yourself in social situations with people who share those interests. So, if the local organization allows singles to join, then I’d recommend spending more time with them even if most of them are couples.Just be patient, and focus on developing friendships in general, rather than making something happen in the sex & romance department. Other singles will come along eventually, and chances are some chemistry will develop at some point, maybe when you’re not actively looking for it. That has usually been my experience.Personal ads can work too; again it’s just a matter of patience. For that kind of personal ad, there are always more men looking than women. So it helps to be willing to answer several of them too, with friendly, honest, and informative responses, rather than just placing one and waiting for them to come to you. But it isn’t a 10-to-1 male/female ratio… more like 60/40. If you can express yourself well in writing, it can work.

Another thing I’ve come to realize: People who have some level of interest in submission (women and men) are actually quite common. It’s just that a certain percentage of us who are more into it may actually identify ourselves as being “into SM” (or B&D), and fetishize the bondage gear, the whips, the leather, etc., and to visit BDSM clubs, or read BDSM websites and personals. Lots of women (and men) will be into it if they’re given a little time to adjust, and to see that it’s about fulfillment, pleasure and fun, rather than negative things that many people have been taught to associate with it (like anger, selfishness, kidnapping, rape, destructive compulsion, and sex addiction). If your motives are positive ones, someone with potentially complementary sexual wiring will be able to see that over time.

But of course, having said that, it truly is not for everyone. There are some people who just don’t have a taste for that kind of play, and it won’t change. You can explore the topic through playful experimentation and lots of honest communication, and it will become pretty clear which sort of person you’re dealing with within a month or two.

I’ll tell you what I’ve told myself, with good results: Just try to get out more in general, rather than being lost in a fantasy of what

sex/kink/relationship *could* be. Get out there and be real with real people. Be willing to make your true interests and tastes known to anyone that you want to be close with. And then let the chips fly. You can’t make everyone like you, but nobody can. Someone will.

The Dom

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