A brief history lesson with mild literary criticism.
A few months ago, Freddy and Eddy contacted us to see if we were interested in posting some of our educational writings on the subject of BDSM on their site. Their experience of BDSM was quite limited, and the associations they had with it were not very warm and friendly; they were more along the lines of Pulp Fiction’s “get the gimp” sequence. Many people have a horrifying vision in their mind of BDSM as a dark, dungeon world of excruciating pain and humiliating punishment. We assured them that it didn’t have to be that way.
Now we’re here to assure you all, it doesn’t have to be that way!
For those who are new to the lingo, BDSM is a catch-all acronym which signifies: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Slave and Master, and the infamous Sadism and Masochism.
The terms Sadism and Masochism were coined by Doctor Krafft-Ebbing in his landmark text Psychopathia Sexualis, which presents case studies on a variety of sexual mania The “S” and the “M” refer to two men: the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
Most of us are somewhat familiar with the Marquis as a philosopher, madman, and/or poet. There was S&M before Sade and Masoch entertained their urges, of course, but Sadism was never fully articulated, illuminated, and dramatized until the Marquis combined his materialistic, naturalistic, and atheistic philosophy with explorations into the limits of sexual depravity. The sexual progression of a Sade novel is similar to that of Jazz. A theme is introduced, and then a variation, and another variation, and another. His text shifts like a tennis match between his pornography and his philosophy, and one is never quite sure which of the two is more dangerous. His sex can kill, however it is his philosophy that corrupts.
Leopold’s claim to fame was his novel of erotic slavery Venus in Furs. Written in 1870, the novel tells the tale of Severin (an alter-ego for Sacher-Masoch himself) and the cruel mistress, Wanda, with whom Severin signs a slave contract. Many modern S/M writers have surpassed Sacher-Masoch in sexual inventiveness and pornographic appeal, but few can match his literary quality. His novel is a study in power games, gender roles, obsessive love, and appearance vs. reality.
Okay. That’s enough for the literary history.
Let us get into action and on to the Now:
It may or may not distress you to hear that, chances are, you’re already kinky. Most of you have probably engaged in bedroom game playing or behaviors which would fall under the category of BDSM. It is likely that you have already participated in some of the following:
– light bondage (tying or being tied with pantyhose, scarves, etc.?)
– blindfolding (don’t peek!)
– dominance and/or submission (who’s on top?)
– age play (who’s your daddy?)
– role playing (doctor/nurse, teacher/student)
– teasing (not yet, hold on, etc.)
– food play (Strawberries? Whipped cream? Human sundae?)
– fetishism (toe sucking, anyone?)
– kinky clothing (spiked heels, leather bra, crotchless panties, etc.)
Oh, we could go on for days…
Exploring these aspects of sexuality doesn’t have to be intimidating, because you and your partner always dictate how far you choose to go with them – there is no set protocol as to what you can and cannot do. Maybe you like being tied up, but don’t want to be blindfolded while you do it – a perfectly reasonable request. There are plenty of “serious” BDSM players that have this as a rule, too. Maybe you like the idea of being attended to by a naughty nurse, but want her to be “extra gentle” – contrary to popular belief, BDSM and kinky play does not have to involve pain in any way! As a matter of fact, some of the kinkiest people we know get teary at the thought of having blood drawn at the doctor’s office and cry the loudest when they stub their toes. The bottom line is that your sex life can be anything you want it to be, and keeping yourself open to new experiences and not being afraid to act on your deepest fantasies can not only do great things for your relationship, but also help you to learn a lot about yourself and your partner and bring the two of you even closer.
Giving up “control” or taking it can be very cathartic and useful in learning what your partner really likes or wants (and what you like and want, too!), especially if they are the type that has a hard time expressing their desires. There is something about having your partner blindfolded that opens up an entire realm of exploration/experimentation. Same goes for being tied up – when you are tied up, you can pretend that you “have no choice” in what happens to you, which affords a lot of people the freedom to engage in more taboo activities or even just be more sexual in general. It also comes with other potential benefits – as a woman, being tied up helps Ms. Blondage to achieve orgasm much easier, because it forces her to concentrate, since she can’t move around very well. The possibilities are limitless but, as with all sexual play, communication and trust is the key, here.
Playing dress up can be a really good way to set the stage for exploration. The act of preparing for sex can be very effective in helping you leave the stresses of your day behind. The ritual of it also assists in setting the stage for what is to come! Once you have transformed into a dirty doctor or a naughty school girl, it is often much easier to try new things since you are working under another persona. Sexy clothes in general can also help assure a knockout night of sex by just gearing the mood appropriately. If you come home to your wife/girlfriend wearing garters and heels with a mesh bra and no panties, there is also no question what she is looking for! It can also help women (and men, too) to feel more self-assured to look so sexy, which can lead to them being more aggressive and/or receptive.
In the end, BDSM is nothing more than a collection of impulses and ideas; about power, personas, and personal limitations. It does not have a trademark, copyright, or official uniform. It is a completely individual experience and open to interpretation. We hope that we have made it clear that as an idea, BDSM ought to be accessible to anyone who is interested in exploring and experimenting with its themes. We are here to offer our experience and insight to those intrepid explorers who are searching for a safe bridge into BDSM.
With Love,
Juliette and Blondage
Visit Juliette & Blondage on the Freddy & Eddy site!Also, Freddy & Eddy recently had their first BDSM experience, thanks to Juliette… and you can read about it here.
